So subtle is it’s whisper and so busy is my life that the delicate balance required to keep myself healthy and to keep myself sane can be knocked awry so easily.
Before I even know it’s happened the small little whispering voice of unreason is singing its quiet quiet song in my ears.
It only took a few innocent thoughts. The same rhetoric that I have been feeding myself for years and even now, with my wisdom and knowledge, I still fall for it, like a moth to a flame.
“I have so much to do”. “Ill never get it all done”. “Everything needs ‘doing’…” “So so much to do…”
And all of a sudden my body aches and my back complains bitterly. Left leg is completely dead and I’m surprised.
How could it be that 12 hours have passed as I worked on my computer to “get it all done” when no one is complaining about my standards.
Why do I do this to myself? Why can I not recognise it sooner?
Then comes the rebel.
“I worked so hard and didn’t have time for the TV show I recorded and the book I want to read and to update my Social Media and feed the dog and wash the floors and do the washing and be a fabulous mother……F**k it, I shall watch my program now whilst the dryer is on and I’m skull-deep in Facebook land, I can multi-task until 2am…”
Thirst, tiredness and a desire to eat crisps is suddenly upon me.
How can I be so thirsty and hungry?
Then I remember I should be sleeping, already long fallen into my dreams.
It’s been hours since dinner. Of course I need sustenance, I have been ignoring my body most of the day.
1am and I give up the ridiculous and unnecessary fight. I’ll go to bed.
But I’ll take my iPad with me……just one more video on Youtube…or maybe two….maybe three if they are REALLY inspiring.
So I can yawn in the screen-light while I fantasise about being one of those ‘early-to-sleep and early-to-rise’ types once more.
Good Night….I mean Good Morning
Learn how to get your balance right with Claire